I have been dancing with dis-ease the past weeks. After the course in de-armouring such a layer came off, my body needed to shed a thick, long worn & conditioned skin.
At first I gave myself time off.
Soon enough though, city life called and I birthed my way into work and fun again, stimulating myself with city sensations of dance classes, work, singing circle’s, diners, etc.
And then the gauntlet got thrown at me. Sickness pulled me back and down. I tested, and then yes; due to my already lower immune system, Corona had come into me.
I was handed such a valuable reminder.
I had been disconnected from my yin. My ability to receive, to listen, to be still. My ability to reconnect to the greater web in which I am but a thread. To let love and life flow through me; to be it.
I was hunting life down, running the world’s rat race, addicted to the dopamine all these stimuli brought me, lead by the mind.
And I knew it, I felt it. I felt my inability to sit still. My always on the search being.
And never really finding.
I felt the pull of a world that just keeps on running even though the earth is being destroyed, and was not able to ‘step out’.
After 5 days, after I thought I was done, a strong purge had to move its way though me.
A day in exile, nauseated till I could no longer feel up from down, it bursted through.
It felt as if I purged months, years of fear of the void, and not only mine, also our society’s fear of the unknown and thus creating a social sickness. I felt the unhealthy wave of why corona had hit us so hard, being moved through my body.
It was a deep, painful, purge. My abdomen split open, my chest felt like exploding.
And after, I felt so so released. My abdomen was freed from toxicity that had hosted itself there.
I landed into a beautiful state of finally, rest. Expansion. I was pure being. No doubts, fears, questions, no seeking or worrying. No needs to do anything besides being. My body giving all the answers.
I floated in pure presence; clarity, and pure bliss. Whilst I landed in being, in my heart, in truth.
I remember when corona had just hit us, I was in the same expanded, restful state.
But as the world ‘started again’, the test wasn’t over yet.
There is no normal to return to.
We need to learn to listen, to receive life.
Receptivity is the central feminine principle that invites mystery to approach us. That invites life to flow through us, instead of us running ourselves out pretending we are ‘in control’.
It’s all there. The answers are right under our noses, in our rich bodies.
And this restful state, that also comes from the chaos that is the containment of the unknown, I feel my well again. Myself again.
We need to finally open to receive and truly rejuvenate, mother ourselves and our planet, nurture our tired, overstimulated, sensitive wholeness of being.
I do not wish anybody corona, yet I do wish for all to experience homecoming, our belonging to the unknown instead of fearing it and infinitely keep running from that with we cannot escape.
It is an art to simply be. And be embraced by that. By life. And fall away, into being nothing, and everything. And find your connection back to the source, your source.
This remembering ourselves back to our source, our home has always been my work. I never believed we were here to suffer and feel separate, and my journey led me to where I am now. From that moment at 16 that I flushed the antidepressants through the toilet, for I didn’t believe that would bring me home, until this day now.
Knowing my home, is right here, in this body, in this field of energy.
I feel so grateful, still surged with energy, calm, blissful, expanded energy, that I made what was in my way.
That I feel my mission so strong that I made it my work to share these fruits with others.
I hope you read in my words how strong softness can be, can serve.
How much surrender is needed for flow, for life to move through us.
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