From the relationship with some of my dear ones, I am understanding a few things: whilst vacuüming & in my head/heart reciting letters to them, and all I wanted to express to them, all that I feel, I felt it was very direct and so can be, devastating – or, that’s how I felt people could take it. Then I thought; but…it’s my way of loving. -Here I stopped the vacuüm cleaner.- This critical tongue, that is my energy, my gift, or the knife, as the Mayans calls it, is acually MY LOVE. To be truthfull is to me the most loving thing I/we can do. It will help me grow the most. That devastating part might be the biggest gift in it: it will brake down the pink castle walls that I tend build up to protect the real paradise that lies inside. The paradise that is actually raw, where there is death as much as there is birth, even me, householder to this paradise, even I do not want to see it for what it is. What the hell is a raw paradise?!
It is LOVE man.
– I am getting all excited now, feeling that in me a shift is happening, a 180°c shift, of seeing what was my curse into seeing it as my gift, and not just seeing but really embracing it, celebrating, being in awe…and also realising, that it is not my energy that misunderstood me, but it’s the world around me who misunderstood…off course, for me to learn, and when I am ready, take back the power that lies within. Claro. –
So here it comes:
As we have a misunderstanding about nature, thinking it is fluffy and safe, as we get lied to in Zoo’s; tigers right in front of us, yet behind bars. We are human, and nothing can happen to us! Try looking that tiger that close in the eye in some wild nature, you won’t even have time to blink before your heads gets bitten off. Or the children’s books where no dead animal is drawn, just owls next to badgers next to, yes VERY fluffy baby ducks, that in nature would get swallowed in no time. Aahhhh so cute.
Eat or get eaten.
And I am love. That LOVE. If I want it or not. When I eat, myself or another, or let myself get eaten; that is LOVE. And love is raw. It is pure. It is being presented with opportunities to grow, and they might not come fluffy and rainbow colored to you. They will break you, they will tear you appart, that is, your programming and where they are attachted to you, for you have to know: if I am love, so are you. And that essence, we can’t do shit about. Its what you are. Swallow it. Let it roar in your guts and let it be you, exactly as you are. And it is bitter, it is sweet, it is salt and it is sour. And all those together make what…? The full experience. It’s your choice, do you want to be alive, or dead whilst walking?
Lets go for a walk. Barefoot. And feel all those textures, feel that it might hurt, or feel super pleasent. And take it all in. That is nature, and nature is us. Sit, observe, feel, and Be.